I have decided to slightly alter the nature of the contents of my blog. Thus, i have moved the the blog to Another Peace. Yes, i do things on a whim so sue me. Well, there might still be postings here. Damn, ain't i a bastard.

{-+-}

oh my hands,
they've tried to grasp
the stars alluring but alas,
alike dreams, it eschews
so fleeting to the touch.


random thoughts: the illusion of age

been writing alot about life it seem looking back at the few
entries i managed to churn out for the last few months. I
wonder whether it's coz im 21 this year, 21 being society's
deifinite age of adulthood. and for a blog which professed to
touch on poetry and philosophy, i have actually never really
written about philosophy.haha. well, a entry on philo would
take up too much space ya, and i like to keep my entries
short. ok, so maybe im kinda lazy too. and yes, the above
stanza aint really related to this entry.
in peace: of poetry and philosophy!

and now, a short philosophical piece. ha...
(it's brief, so don't expect too much)



the search for purpose.intimacy:god


what is your purpose?
that which is the soul
of one's life and fuels
the passions of thy heart.


firstly, on a more personal note: admittedly, this purpose
shit has been with me ever since i was 12. and i have to say,
it's quite shitty when you actually cared about this kind of
stuff at such a age. oh well, it's not as though we have
control over it ya. fate it seemed, just dealt me a cruel
hand. anyway, my perception of it had not changed much but
of coz, it's much more refined and mature now.


as old as mankind itself is its search for the purpose of
life. Why are we here? what were we brought into this world
to do? but man's inherent need to search for this universal
purpose is much more basic than that.

what is the purpose of studying? to pass the exams for some.
what is the pupose of participating in a cca? it's something
you like and enjoy. what is the purpose of doing something?
coz it needs to be done. there's a purpose in almost
everything we do. if you want to dwell deeper, there's also
fulfilling society's purpose of morality and expectations
which encompasses things as simple as throwing the rubbish
into the bin and getting a job. well to you, the purpose of
working might be just earning the cash to get through life.
but that can also be considered society's purpose(which is a
whole topic by itself actually).

what if you remove purpose? lets say you dont need to pass
your exams to advance, that you don't enjoy the cca, that
there's totally no consequence at all for not doing a
certain thing. yes, some of us are naturally drive to excel,
but aint that itself a purpose? a purpose or a will if you
like to excel. without purpose, what do we end up with? what
we will have is the slavery of nothingness. there's no point
in doing things anymore, no responsibilities, no
consequences. people have claimed that without religions or
moral condemnation, there will be total anarchy, but i've
digressed.

we have briefly touch upon how essential having a purpose is
and what can more important than the purpose of life? we
might not consciously feel the need for it, but sub-
consciously, we are all looking for it. but is there a
purpose to life in the first place? it would appear that
since there "is" a purpose to almost everything we do, that
we have unconsciously assume that there MUST be a purpose to
life too. Is this a error of perception on our part? or do we
just need a purpose to live? it's a discussion that is much
more than what i've just wrote, but i would leave the rest
for you to think about. what is your purpose?

ok i admit, im lazy. So i shall leave the "intimacy:god"
portion for another day. or maybe never. haha. oh well, if
anyone is interested, you know how to get hold of me.


how wretched it is, the slavery of nothingness.

{-+-}

random thoughts: serendipity ?


ha... fate is seriously trying to tell me something man.
just yesterday, i wrote about my "lost time", and in
today's newspapers was an article on identity disorder
which somewhat reflected my own condition. if anyone is
interested, it's page 14 of Mind Your Body that comes
with The Strait Times. "like actors playing themselves",
"keeping their genuine emotions at bay," "paying a
emotional debt..." are some quotes(not exact) from the
article. oh well, i like to think that the cause for mine
is somewhat very different from that stated in the
article but it doesnt matter anymore. Im cured, haha,
kinda strange when you put it that way.

yesterday, i was comtemplating whether to post the
following. well, here it goes.




no self-pity
but maybe a tinge of regret.
it's unavoidable.

the death of days. its blood on my hands


more than 4 years of the prime of my life. 1999-2004.
time passed, time lost to me forever. it was as though my
growth curve had shot up drastically and then decided
to stagnate. it feels weird looking back at that period
of time. the me before then and the me now were akin
to separate person from the one during those years of
hollowness and void. a time when i had the opportunity
to completely change my life as it is. but that
opportunity had went past me like a ghost, forever to
haunt me whenever it pleases.

there are plenty of reasons i attribute those "lost years"
to but there's no point in writing them here. those months
after i finally manage to break myself free of that
unfathomable black hole i unwittingly fell into, i spent
trying to come up to speed with the people around me. behind
time and lagging... hah! the irony of it all. how horribly
i stumbled then which only goes to show how detached i was.
and im sure without a shadow of a doubt that even the me of
'98 would have been amused and disgusted at how immature my
thoughts and actions were during that time of "rehabilitation".

this might not mean anything but to all my friends whom i knew
during the peiod of 1999-2004, i apologized. you guys had to
endure a part of me that wasn't sure of who he was. and im sure
my totally indifferent and abnormal(bordering on stupidity) ways
of handling things got on your nerves on more than a couple of
occasions. my friends before then were so-called "lucky" for
they knew the person that im really am. but to the few that
stuck it through with me, im grateful. truly.

and don't worry, im back to my old self or personality. not
entirely but well, maybe it's for the better anyhow.


have i repaid my debt? how do i make up for lost time then?

{-+-}

random thoughts: in my mind lingers
the scent of a lovely countenance


small quick glances
of foolishness demure.
abscond behind the drapes,
take a peek
oh the heart yearns for more.

the lines above i wrote in a matter of minutes. and i
wonder why i have not been able to write a full piece
for so many months. i wonder now whether it's due to
the fact i feel like a kid again being back in school.

have i then unwittingly sprung society's trap?
am i now sleeping society's dream?
oh inevitably, eventually.


will you bring to me my twilight?

{-+-}

ok, i know re-posting my old pieces is kinda considered
cheating. but at least i changed a word or two? haha



for me alone

by the panes it sings
a drone that reminisces envelops me in its wings

with a heart that burrows beneath burgeoning spring
what a tragedy it must be
not to hear the songs of myriad leaves and its wind

for me alone in my abode
but a taper to tend the sight
naught but with melancholy that i pine
a spring i left behind

{-+-}

destiny awaits me;
but i'd rather the simple joys in life.


back to being a kid. that's how i would describe the
transition from life during NS to life in the university.
no responsibility to tasks that were entrusted to you,
no responsibility to your colleagues and fellow soldiers.etc
certainly, it would vary from individual to individual. from
a particular point of view, it would appear that most of us
live a more carefree life in the army. well, that's very true
to a certain extent. Hah! But enough of that.

then again, NS was like a recess of sort. a period for
introspection or renewal even before i continue my journey on
destiny's ship. another life im suppose to lead as opposed to
the one in the army. yet there's something about its
simplicity (even with "office politics", backstabbing etc.)
that appeals so much to me. though unsophisticated and naive,
life was simple and uncontrived. i guess it's just my
yearning for a simple life that's all. i have a feeling that
even fate itself would not allow me that.

well, no whinings and long-winded stories on the
forementioned subjects. in a way, it seems to me only a
formality churning out this post. a new stage of life's
journey obviously warrant at least a footnote right?


a new beginning
to the same old dream.

{-+-}

within my peace,
a black hole of words
a spiral of dreams.


an ode to days when i could
just lie down by the green and dream.


Well, this current incarnation of "In Peace" has lasted
for two years. A cove for thoughts and poetry i call my
own. And no, there will never be corny life stories or
over-the-top attention seeking tales on this blog. A
contrast to my real-life personality maybe, but this blog
would remain the place where my sub-conscious is able to
roam unrestrained and revel in its love for philosophy and
poetry, and to lie by the blurry static of stars and dream,
in peace.


to await the next summer breeze,
a life in peace
it's all i wished.

{-+-}

a rare confession of untainted feelings...

there is no subtleties amongst these words
no hidden meanings, only what i feel.

sometimes, it's easier to simply write what
you mean instead of concealing them in a
spiral of words.


for you,

i have a flower here lying in my heart
that is yours to keep
but would you ever accept it?


well, guess it's obvious to everyone.

{-+-}

breaking the downward spiral... i hope


my house and time

oh what else have i forfeited this day
but for time and its essence.
alas myself i find malice
with knives concealed behind the folds
and melancholy to be its accomplice.
for light enters and is entrapped
'tween the sordid twining
of ornate ponderings and regret.
silence toils under cover
and to what does it beget?
but wretched knells of hours spurned
to cling onto this object faint.
will you not remain now, my love?


how wretched it is, the slavery of nothingness

{-+-}