to reiterate my previous post:
Philosophical and pompous bullshit will be the conclusion of most
people who read this. And maybe along with a diagnosis of myself
having serious issues on coping with life. ermm... no comments



bound to destiny;
chained and haunted by it.

When i was younger, i was often reckoned to be a future
over-achiever. Never the prodigy or genius, but deemed to possess
an uncanny intelligence along with maturity beyond my years that
should some what lead to reasonable scholastic achivements and
the sort. But i have fallen wayward alike a couple of my peers,
while the others sped past leaving us in a forsaken twilight
haunted by regrets and 'what if's. But the blame rest on no one
else but ourselves; the absence of motivation and drive coupled
with this tingling intuition that success amongst other things
are mere illusions and a mirage of our mortal society. That's
just me though. Without a doubt, spite exists; as i gazed upon
some 'unworthy' people being admitted to top overseas universities
while i languish still on a particular sunny island. Yet thankfully,
i have managed to grow wiser and well, the rest is for a another
time. Here, I would like to apologise to those who had so much
expectations of me. And i promised, i shall make my amends.



i've been to my garden,
i've seen my peace
the past shall twine;
the now's not mine
will you believe in me?
or stash your trust beneath
only myself and i,
only myself and i.

-July 2003.

{-+-}

ignorance is bliss. be thankful.


the malady: an allergy to happiness

the diagnosis: i have an aversion to happiness
and i realize it is holding me back.
it's like being a character from the movies
where after being devoid of joy or happiness
for so long, they either reject these feelings
or are at a loss on how to handle them.
all these plastic smiles that i don, now i dont
even know which ones are real or which are just
induced by my anti-sociopath suppression drugs.

in many others' opinion, i should not even
possess a problem such as this. i mean to most
people, this probably sound ridiculous and dumb
or even pompous. well, so sue me ...


the treatment: what is happiness? aint it another
illusion of our perception? how do you define
happiness then? what about drug-induced happiness?
are they considered the genuine product?
ignorance is bliss. and you shouldn't try and
measure happiness and define it. all you end up
doing is drowning in this philosophical bull-shit.
but how do i ignore what i already know?



oh! the knights that set forth in their search
through rain, shine or the strongest of gale,
an immortal quest for thy holy grail.
now heed not the jests and mockeries
for the truth brings all but the bravest to their knees.
oh! Avalon, when will that day come?

{-+-}

random thoughts: as dust lie asleep on my heart

as the dust settled to the ground
it is cleansed by a swish of moist.
alas it seems ineluctable that it shall return
to its rightful place
and it is with out much ado that it does.
such is its willfulness;
such is the woe of the settling dust.
will you leave me to my vacuity
leave me to search my heart
and let the wind carry away the dust.


all together now... ORD LOH !

{-+-}

how do i start anew?
with so many tags nailed to my paper doll.
it's time to pull out a few
but the scars will always remain...

{-+-}

such a joy and yet a bane;
a piece to reflect the mood


random thoughts: through the looking glass

how delicate the mirror seems
adorned with the reflection of your face.
now those sad eyes, please dont tear
i'll bring a flower and a song
if only you could hear
these words i hold so dear.
alas it is the mirror's bane
its plebeian frame unbefitting
to hold such a lovely face.
oh! wont you pause just for awhile.


they say to love someone
is to give away a part of your soul
go figure...

{-+-}