Regret : Apathy Of My Youth

have i lost out in life because of my prevailing apathy?
i did not cared much about anything when i was in school
and even less now while serving ns.
im beginning to feel the consequences
it has always been there but it's finally sinking in.
so much that i could have done.
so much that i could have done for my future.

i was actually living the high life once.
and now it seems, i would live in its shadows for god knows
how long more. i dare not think about it.
but i did not feel anything for this life back then,
it was there and i just happen to pass by
then it was gone, and i did not follow
if only i did
if only i did.

i look at others living the life & dreams
that i once could have lived
at times, i felt anger that something so dear
was stolen from me
but the blame was mine alone
i had long since, as i recently told a friend,
uncreated this void or ghost of mine
like i said, i did not really care about anything
-- it has always been about the now
then again, the ghost of regrets likes to haunt
and it's on days like this that it re surfaces
and it's days like this i hate so much
too much time to dream
too much time for my mind to wonder

i need a smoke.

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